Michael Faltum: It Takes All Kinds

Sex and the City actress, Cynthia Nixon, set-off fireworks throughout the LGBT community last week when she commented in a New York Times interview that for her, being gay “is a choice”.  Critics of Nixon called her words “dangerous” and “irresponsible” and worried they would be used as ammunition against the gay community by anti-gay forces.

Cynthia Nixon & Christine Marinoni (Photo by Stephen Shugeman for Getty Images)

Since then Nixon sought to clarify her remarks in a statement to The Advocate, the gay and lesbian news magazine.  Nixon said, “My recent comments in The New York Times were about me and my personal story of being gay… I believe we all have different ways we came to the gay community and we can’t and shouldn’t be pigeon-holed into one cultural narrative which can be un-inclusive and disempowering.”

Critics of the gay community have long used “being gay is a choice” as their war cry for most of the twentieth century and continue to do so even though recent public opinion polls have shown most Americans no longer believe such nonsense.  Yet by Nixon making such a brash statement that for her, being in a gay relationship is a choice, it could muddy the water a bit.  Will those who consider themselves as anti-gay use Nixon’s words in an attempt to prove their point?  Yes.  There’s no question of that.  They’ll use anything.

What I find most interesting is not Nixon’s first statement but her clarification.  Nixon is right.  We are not all cookie-cutter images of one another.  We are a culturally diverse and independent community.  We are individuals brought together by many circumstances:  hatred, bigotry and ostracism from society, but also the love, support and understanding our community offers those who are different.

Being LGBT transcends racial and ethnic lines.  The color of your skin, the language you speak and the person you love are not factors.  We do not issue memberships cards and we don’t provide anyone with a checklist of items to complete before we accept you.  And we know one cannot decipher anyone’s sexuality simply by looking at them.  There have been many times when we’ve all been proven wrong in making these assumptions.

Nixon said, “We all have different ways we came to the gay community.”  I couldn’t agree more.  There is no standard.  My journey of self-discovery is different than my partner’s, my friends or anyone else I know.  Many of us know who we are from day one.  For some, it takes time and life experience to understand why we feel different.  For others, it requires a greater level of courage, self-acceptance and time to acknowledge that they are, in fact, gay.

LGBT diversity extends to our personalities as well.  We have jocks, nerds, artists, both feminine and masculine types.  Our occupations alone help display our diversity.  I’m friends with LGBT executives, police officers, athletes, doctors, actors, dancers and teachers.  I am a writer, poet, historian, carpenter, baseball fanatic and cook.  Try pigeon-holing me into any one category!  Try telling me that my experience getting to and becoming a part of the gay community was standardized.  It wasn’t.  Neither was Cynthia Nixon’s.

Nixon identifies herself as bisexual.  She is both attracted to men and women.  This is her sexual orientation and it is irreversible.  Nixon claims the choice she was referring to was “to be in a gay relationship”.  In other words, she’s dating a woman.  If that relationship fails and she starts to date a man, that doesn’t make her straight.  She is still bisexual because her attraction to women hasn’t ceased, it’s still there.  Nixon’s choice is the person, not the gender.

I know this may be confusing for many people.  Some prefer to view things through a black and white lens where sexuality is divided between gay and straight, but that’s not reality.  The reality is that the “B” in LGBT stands for bisexual.  Bisexual individuals like Nixon exist and are a thriving part of our community.

GLBT ~ Remember the B Stands for Bisexual! (Photo from www.thesecularparent.com)

Backlash against bisexuality not only stems from the straight community but many gays and lesbians are their harshest critics often preferring one would pick a side of the fence and build a house on it.  Although forcing anyone to deny who they are is what is dangerous and irresponsible.  Writing someone’s narrative on their behalf to make you feel better goes against the diverse and welcoming nature of the LGBT community.

Nixon’s problem was in her wording, not her sexuality.  Her decision to describe her sexuality without context created an uproar I don’t think she was ready for.  Nevertheless, the issue remains:  we should avoid limiting people to the narrative we would like to see and start recognizing that in every community it takes all kinds of people.  Not only those on either end of the Kinsey Scale but all of those who fall in between.  Bisexuals included.

Michael Faltum’s grandmother raised him on Chicago politics, the Cubs and Bette Davis movies.  If that doesn’t sum him up, we don’t know what does.  To find out more about Michael, please friend him on facebook and follow him on twitter.