“Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream.  Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream.”

Row, Row, Row Your Boat (Photo by Deborah Cavenaugh)

I had a dream about you last night.  And I was in it too.   And you were being you.  And I was being me.

Continue reading “Bobby Brooks: Life is but a Dream” »

These are just pet peeves – not necessarily facts or absolute spiritual laws – just pet peeves.

The person who says “No, no, no, no, no, no, no.  Uh uh, uh uh, nooooooo way.  I’m not doing that!  Uh uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, absolutely not!  Noooo.”  Damn it!  Just say “no” once and shut the hell up!

NO NO NO NO NO! (Photo from www.tribblogs.com)

Continue reading “Pet Peeves from Daily Life” »

Who wrote these wedding vows anyway?

“Do you promise to love, honor and cherish… as long as you both shall live?”

Right outta the gate, you’re making promises that you can’t keep.  Love is a feeling.  If you treat me like shit, I’m not gonna have a feeling of love for you.  So how can I promise that I’m gonna love you “’til death do us part?”  It’s a fundamentally flawed vow!

Think About Your Vows (Photo from www.weddings-paradise.com)

Now, I do believe, strongly, in the other parts of the vow – the honor and cherish part.  These are legitimate actions.  I can honor you even if I’m mad at you.  I can cherish you even if I don’t feel like it.  And I think they should add “appreciate” to the vows.  Take out “love” and add “appreciate”.  ’Cause when it really comes down to it, you can’t regulate a person’s love for you, so why try.  They either love you or they don’t!

And “love” is very much overrated anyway.  Tiger Woods, Jesse James and many of the other infamous philanderers loved their wives dearly.  What they didn’t do is appreciate what they had while they had it.  Your woman totally needs to be appreciated.  And appreciation can be quantified!

So, the new wedding vows should read, “Do you promise to honor, cherish and appreciate your bride as long as you both shall live?”  And your answer is:  ”I do”.  Or “I will”.  Or whatever we’re supposed to say.

But we really should honor, cherish and appreciate our women.  For out of all the hard-legged dudes that shot plenty of game her way, over the years, she has chosen you.  She sees something different in you – something unique.  So treat her like the royal princess that she is.  Cherish her as you would a gem.  And you will reap what you sow.

Try to remember that you don’t deserve her.  She is a gift that you did not earn.  Your advanced degrees don’t qualify you to receive her.  The $600,000 in your various investment accounts doesn’t give you the right to her devotion.  Your good looks, nor any of your other skills, possessions, awards or honors, don’t guarantee you that such an amazing woman will want to live the rest of her life with you.  So treat her with the awe that she deserves.

She is priceless and irreplaceable - mostly because she absolutely adores you.  It is so difficult for us guys to get this through our thick heads.  ‘Cause we think we’re so cool.  We think we’re so smart and so talented.  We think we’re so witty and macho and tough.  But, trust me, when you witness your woman giving birth to a beautiful baby – that is when you will see true toughness.

Also remember that your lady has many other options should she ever choose to exercise them.  So don’t ever get lax with your adherence to these vows.  Beyonce is right when she says a woman can “have another you in a minute.  In fact, he’ll be here in a minute, baby.”  So take all of this into account as you journey down the path called “your relationship”.  You’re welcome!

Honor, cherish and appreciate your wife to be, and (nine times out of ten) she will turn your house into a home.  Honor, cherish and appreciate your girl, and she will show you a world of love that you probably would never have had access to.  Honor, cherish and appreciate your lady, and she will always have your back through the good times and the bad.  Because if you do all of these things for your lovely bride, she sure as hell better!

Many years ago, Dr. Anthony Campolo, a sociologist, spoke about a study in which 50 people, all over the age of 95, were asked the question, “If you had the opportunity to live your life over again, what would you do differently?”  I have always found this to be an intriguing question.  And the answers, more significant when coming from people who have lived such long lives.  Their answers can be a wise roadmap for those of us seeking to create and live amazing lives going forward;  lives that honor our deepest truths and fulfill our highest callings.  Or, simply, lives that are worth living.  These seniors’ answers were varied.  But generally, they said that they would:

Glacier Hiking in Alaska (Photo from www.destination360.com)

Risk More.  I’ve heard it said that life is in the risk taking.  And I witnessed the fulfillment of this slogan when I had dinner with the staff of Bobby’s Bike Hike in Chicago a few weeks ago.  These early twenty something, athletic-type staffers were animated, talkative and full of life as we sat, Indian style, on the banks of Ogden Slip eating hot dogs, brats and other amazing goodies.  I drifted from one group to another but each one spoke of a recent skydiving experience, a hiking trip or a time they lived abroad for a year;  Spain, Argentina, Brazil.  What energy!  What sense of adventure!  What risk takers they are!  But there are many other kinds of risks to take in life.  The choice to allow love and relationship into our lives is a big risk.  Our hearts could get broken.  OMG our hearts could get broken!  This can be a devastating thing;  something that takes awhile to get over.  Actually, all risk can lead to devastation.  That is why so many of us are risk averse.  If we quit our jobs and travel the world for six months, how are we gonna pay our bills?  And, what about the dangers we are likely to face, in every corner of the world?  With risk taking being inherently scary, I wonder why so many 95 plus year old people said that they would take even more of them?  I think they, like the young adults at Bobby’s Bike Hike, realized that it is better to wear out on the high seas of life, than rust out sitting in the harbor.  Life, is indeed, in the risk taking.  And although it won’t always be smooth and perfectly safe, it’s the thrill of it all that gives your life the juice.

Fitness Editor Suzanne Ko in Meditation (Photo by Matthew Raney Photography)

Reflect More.  Dictionary.com defines the word reflect as “to think, ponder or meditate”.  Well, I’m not sure we’re doing enough of that.  Do you know someone who constantly loses things?  Leaves her purse in a restaurant, leaves his credit card at the bar, left his wallet in the cab.  Our minds are going a mile a minute.  Sometimes it’s difficult to be present;  to focus on the business at hand.  Taking a moment to breathe and reflect helps with that.  And it can also help us live more fulfilling lives.  I know someone who spends thirty minutes, first thing in the morning, in prayer, meditation and reflection.  They focus on their appreciation that they woke up that morning in their right mind and with good health.  They think about how what they are planning to do today fits in with their long term goals.  How it all fits together.  Then, when their meditation is done they go through their day with a sense of purpose and ease, present to the possibilities of their day.  Sounds good to me!  Where do I sign up?  I believe that this is what these seniors were referring to.  If we pause each day and reflect on what we’re doing and why we’re doing it, making sure we’re still on track to our goals, we will feel more certain that we have lived fulfilling lives when we have reached the end of our days.

Eco-Friendly Volunteer Opportunities (Photo from www.thedailygreen.com)

Do more things that would live on after they die.  This is an easy one.  Don’t we all want to leave some kind of legacy?  Something to show that we have lived, something lasting that shows we made some kind of difference in this world?  I have long been a fan of Jonny Imerman and his Imerman Angels organization.  The way that they introduce people, who have recently been diagnosed with cancer, to someone who has successfully beaten that particular kind of cancer is a beautiful thing to see.  And Jonny, a cancer survivor himself, is also a truly beautiful human being.  Spend just a few moments with him and you know that you’ve met someone special.  But he would say that we are all special.  And that is another thing that makes him so special.  Making a profound difference for others, saving lives, giving people renewed hope for their lives is the kind of legacy that these seniors were saying they would focus on.  This can seem like a huge undertaking.  But we can’t create amazing lives for ourselves by thinking small.  In fact, the only thing that we should fear, in life, is thinking too small;  allowing our lives to shrink rather than expand, suppressing our self-expression and, in essence, placing our “lamp under a bushel” instead of letting our light shine brightly for all the world to see.  I am not afraid of sickness, crime or death.  I’m afraid of living too small and making no difference at all in the lives of others.  Elderly people have a lot to offer us if we are willing to listen.

Bobby Brooks is no stranger to heartbreak.  And now this Chicago heartthrob speaks about his trials and tribulations with the opposite sex.  Help him discover more by “communicating” with Bobby on facebook and twitter.